inner monologue, him.

8 Apr

I took her out- wasn’t that enough? Spent money on her, too.  Apparently not. We went back to the house, not because I wanted her there but because she asked to. I couldn’t say no, not when she looked at me like that. It was sad really, the way she practically begged to stay with me.

She wants things back like they were before I told her I wanted to be “friends.” Yeah, I did it, I friended her. And  few hours with her isn’t going to change my mind, if that’s what she’s thinking. So why is she here now? It’s because girls don’t let go. They stay, and I don’t know how long this one will, but I want to watch a movie, and I can’t with her here. She’ll try to sit too close to me, or something.

She’s making me feel like I did something wrong. Why do girls do that, make you feel all bad about yourself like you’re some kind of cruel person for not wanting them?

I told her it wasn’t her. “It’s me” I said. “I’m just not good at this kind of thing.”  But it was her. I’d never say that to her, though. She’d be crushed, and I don’t like crushing girls.

As long as she’s here she might as well say something interesting instead of  just sitting there gawking for my attention. She expects me to say something- always making me lead the conversation.

Why did I even start this with her?  She looked real cute the first time I saw her. It took a while getting to know her, a few weeks I think. I’m good at that kind of thing, though so it wasn’t too hard. She’s quiet and all tense or something- wish she’d just be herself and relax. She’s fidgeting and laughing now at something I said, a nervous annoying laugh to fill the the silence. still can’t believe she’s not picking up these vibes. Oh- She’s getting up to leave. finally. 

I walk her to the door and initiate a hug so she’ll leave sooner, even handed her the purse. She’s mumbling as I open the door for her, something about wanting me to call, text, e-mail? I don’t know. “Sure” I tell her and shut the door–Some girls just don’t get it.

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